Former prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-Day Saints, President Ezra Taft Benson stated that "A husband and wife must attain righteous unity and oneness in their goals, desires, and actions."
This kind of unity cannot be reached until you have learned what your spouse's goals and desires truly are. Righteous unity would imply that you both have reached a level of spiritual union on a common decision or action in your marriage or home.
Problems and disagreements will arise in marriage and in any relationship. Each person has their own thoughts and ideas and not every problem or disagreement must be perfectly resolved. There will be differences in opinions and even with these differences there is a way to achieve righteous unity. Some issues may seem like they are unsolvable and if that happens then there will become a way for your relationship to learn to live with them.
Marriage does not mean that you must become exactly the same as your spouse. You do not have to conform to the ways of your spouse. You are both two incredibly different people and you may feel strongly about different issues. In a relationship there can be certain issues that repeatedly occur or are discussed. Some may feel that these disagreements may never become solved. Something that I have learned is that there are ways to live with opposing ideas and still show love and respect.
When two people have come to a point where they feel that they can't navigate their way out of an issue, it is a sign that each person person has dreams for their lives that the other is not aware of, hadn't acknowledged, or doesn't respect. These dreams can be hopes, aspirations or wishes that are a part of who an individual is and what give that person purpose.
There are all kinds of dreams that people can have. They can be something very simple, or they are something that is deep and may be hidden within a person.
This week, my husband and I discussed a few arguments that we have had due to differences of dreams and he brought up something that happened just the other night.
I had gotten after him for using all of our milk. I had already bought two gallons that week and I didn't think it was necessary for us to buy another! I reminded him that water was free and he should be drinking that instead. He was clearly frustrated by what I had said and told me that he works hard at his jobs every day and doesn't want to feel like he is making all this money but can't drink a glass of milk when he wants. In the argument we realized that we were both being ridiculous and that we needed to meet half-way.
After discussing this disagreement, we came to the realization that the true reason to why I was upset about the milk was that I was worried about money. It had nothing to do with him and his milk drinking but that I felt that my dream for financial security was not going to be met.
Disagreements may arise due to the way we feel about our dreams. It can be something as small as my milk example or something big enough for a spouse to think of divorce.
Going back to what President Ezra Taft Benson said, we must come to know our spouses goals and dreams. As we do so we will learn to be sensitiveness to them and learn to support them, bringing righteous unity into our homes. When a common goal is found between a couple they can learn to adjust their lives to achieve this goal. If a family has a common goal of happiness or peace then they will learn that their other goals, desires and actions must lead to this ultimate common goal.
As a couple works together in supporting one another in their goals and dreams they will achieve a new level of unity. It will bring their relationship to another level and they will begin to understand each other to the best of their abilities. So, think to yourself what are our dreams?
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